On my first day back in the mass transit groove, the bus is late. It finally arrives and as soon as I get on I can tell this driver is going to be trouble.
Not content to leave well enough alone, the bus driver responds as if I had just confessed that I have learned to move about my day without breathing oxygen:
She just can't believe her ears!
From my vantage point, I can see there is a little sign admonishing the bus driver not to talk on a cell phone while driving.
That would explain why the bus was late. The game obsessed blond lady made a stop at the Krystal before swinging the bus back toward town and my stop. Service at Krystal is abominable, but I guess when a gal needs her grits things like adhering to an established and widely published bus schedule just goes right out the window.
"Someone please talk to this woman about the game!" I scream silently, but no one seems to hear.
"Do I turn here?"
I am sure by now she must think me a total waste of human flesh:
Didn't watch the game.
Doesn't know the bus route!
Why doesn't this guy just die?
A woman with a foreign accent pipes up, "Next corner. Turn at the next corner."
While she is driving, the driver who can find no one to discuss football with her, continues to study a typewritten page of what I can only assume are directions for this bus route.
Maybe someone figured out the disembodied voices were hopelessly lost and merely confusing the passengers and therefore no help at all.
*Sound of soda can being opened.*
"What? Why not?"
"There's no eating, drinking or smoking allowed on JTA."
"What? I'm sorry. I didn't know I was offending anyone."
"You know there's no swearing allowed JTA."
Are you f*ing kidding me?
"What the f*k?!"
"You know there's no crack, meth or pot smoking allowed on JTA---Wait! What are you doing? You know there's no knives or guns allowed on JTA!"
*Sound of crack pipe being lit followed by the sound of someone exhaling*
Bus Riding: Day 3
Bus Riding: Day 4
I glance around and take in my fellow bus riders. None of them looks very happy.
The gypsy woman doesn't look happy either. In fact, she looks like she might be planning to put a curse on someone any minute now. She clutches her purse and frowns.
Even Ernestine the Operator, engrossed in the Holy Bible, looks a little miserable.
I am getting the impression that the gypsy lady's purse is the greenest thing about this bus ride---and it is chartreuse. I am pretty sure all of my fellow mass transit riders are on the bus, not to save the planet, but because they have no other choice.
I am pretty sure I'll keep riding the bus even when I get a new set of wheels.
Then my mind wanders, as it always does.
Are you allowed to consider the possibility of man on man sex while riding JTA?
"Now approaching..." The disembodied voices are back and they are no longer lost.